This may be the hardest thing I have ever done.
To all of you who read this, and even to those who don't, I need to ask for your forgiveness, as for the past few years I have been a willing hypocrite.
On both Facebook and Twitter many of you have seen me share posts, memes, tweets of a religious nature. I agree fully with all of these, however, behind the screen my life wasn't in line with what I was sharing. I tried to rationalize that if what I shared helped someone than it was ok, even though I still didn't feel right about it.
Over the past month I stopped sharing these things on Facebook, but continued on Twitter. This has been eating me alive and only fueled the battle I have been having with depression. A battle that on Facebook many of you got to see.
I have not been the Christian that many of you believe that I am, and I humbly apologize and beg for your forgiveness. You who are Christians, I also ask you for help in getting me to be the Christian that God wants me to be.
I realize that I may lose some friends over this. That hurts, but it's a possible reality that I regretfully accept.
I also accept that there may some who seek to hurl condemnation towards me. If that is you, please direct it towards me and not anyone else.
If anyone has questions about all this, please ask me and I will give you the honest answer.
As a Christian when you fall, the road back can be brutal. This has been my case and I blame only myself. I knew I was making the wrong choices and worse, I found ways to try to justify my difficulties rather than correcting what I was doing.
I am open to all honest helpful comments and suggestions. Also, to my Pastor friends, if any of you would be willing and able to send me any of your sermons on CD I would appreciate it. I would love to have them to listen to while driving.
Finally to my family, my wife and kids. I have failed you three miserably over the course of these past 19 years. I greatly appreciate the open and honest talks we have recently had. I ask for your forgiveness and that you will join me in saying as Joshua did in Joshua 24:15 when ended that verse by saying: but as for me and my house, we will serve the .
I love you all, and am praying for all of you, I hope that one day, if you have not received Jesus Christ as your Saviour and given your life to Him, that you will do soon and not wait.